Introduction: Shipping Up to Boston

One of the first things I've discovered since becoming a permanent resident in Boston Outlying (specifically Somerville) is that it is massively easier to move about in by car than my Northern-New England childhood indoctrination had drawn me to believe. In a way, this is a sad revelation. In previous trips traveling to variously Somerville, Cambridge, Malden, and other of the urban suburbs of Boston I had become, during night and day, constantly, hopelessly lost. At one point, I had to rely on a friend to be a living GPS for me, and it was her house I was trying to find. But now, having finished couch-hopping, I find it easy to poke my way about town in my car; streets are immediately identifiable, despite the notorious generally Massachusetts and particularly Boston habit of lamentable under-signage; even the barest observed landmark is seared into my brain: more than ample guidance to a central guiding road. It may not be the quickest way, or the most direct, but in a town crowded so with a wealth of roads at every opportunity, I believe that it rarely makes a difference. Even Boston's proclivity to countless and contradictorily-placed one-way streets seem a mere trifle.

I say this is lamentable because I am a rare person that has a car, who lives in the greater Boston area, and who has no desire or, often, need to drive. Why is this? Though MADD has become a representative of absolute prohibition -- much to the chagrin of its usurped founder -- there is one tenet of their's I as absolutely believe: drinking and driving are poor combinations. In moving down to Boston, I planned to do one hardly ever and the other with utter, shameless profligateness. The title of this blog should more than tip you off as to which is which.

It's not much of a temptation to drive here, despite how surprisingly easy I find it to get around. Naturally there's the desire for the autonomy granted only by car imbued in all people who grew up in an area twenty minutes' drive from anywhere, so ignoring the pull is great -- especially since I inadvertently discovered how easy it is to get from my new apartment to my job. It's just another thing to resign oneself to, and resignation for the drunkard in this city is something best learned quickly.

People say it's expensive to live here. I haven't seen what data backs it up, if there is any, but if it is little more than a perception, still I can see how that perception arose. The bars in this part of town are usually pretty pricey, or have bad food, or both. It's not allowed in Massachusetts, it should be noted, to have "happy hour" as most people would term it: reduced price booze only between certain hours on certain days. But so far, the drinks I've had haven't been overpriced, necessarily. Since I'm new to town, and if Maine and New Hampshire's economic opportunities for the recently graduated continue their respective trajectories I won't by any stretch be alone, my goal is to set out and find the best drinking holes for the inebriatorily inclined.

My requirements are very simple: what's on tap, how's the staff, what's to eat, and, of course, how are the prices. There will be some side quests, such as finding an appropriate local dive, finding out whether there exists a true sports bar outside of Fenway, and finding as always the cheapest and oddest bars available, as well as whatever other quests I set for myself. I'm also open to set missions, either through the comments or by emailing me.

But the mission statement is simple: the best bars, the best places, the best booze.

Some basic guidelines:

The reviews will be set up very simply. I will go to a bar twice, no drinking beforehand so I'm not lulled into thinking a bar maybe has better pours than it may actually have. At the end of each segment, I'll list the bar's "stats;" that is, what I drank, how much each drink cost (if available), the exact location of the bar, if I don't mention it in the segment proper I'll indicate whether there is food available at the bar (and I literally mean at the bar), and a rating of 1-10 of the waitstaff, my perception of the pours, and the atmosphere. In this way, I hope to make this as informative for you as I hope it will be educational for me.